Bag Bottom Mining! Apartments! The Impending Underwear Apocalypse!!

Just before sitting down to write this, I performed what I like to call “Bag Bottom Mining.” A distant cousin of Public Fountain Mining and younger brother to Sofa Cushion Mining, Bag Bottom Mining combines the artistry of dumpster diving with the technique of scavenging and the theory of an ATM withdrawal.  Most often practiced by college students when they can no longer ignore the dirty laundry pile burgeoning across the dorm room, threatening an underwear apocalypse, Bag Bottom Mining should be conducted no more than once a month for maximum benefit. Even those who have graduated from university sweatshirts and quarter-sucking laundry machines can benefit from this stealthy practice. As hinted in my last post, Graham and I just signed a lease for the apartment we’ll share for (at least) the first year of our marriage.  Upon signing, I looked up from my illegible signature to share the moment with Graham. He looked exactly how I felt—bubbling with an unsettling combination of elation, anxiety and guilt. While we’d just secured our very first grown-up apartment together, we’d also drained our bank accounts doing so. Moving into an apartment is always tough, but in a city where “cheap” is anything with monthly rent below $3,000 and brokers often charge an enormous fee for unlocking an apartment door and asking for a check, it was close to impossible for Graham and me.  Until the paychecks start coming in again, I’m reduced to Bag Bottom Mining to buy a bagel or a new roll of toilet paper. Toilet paper in my apartment disappears so fast, I’m beginning to think my roommate dries himself with individual squares of Charmin after every shower.

Today I scavenged three separate purses and my book bag for exactly four dollars in quarters, two dollars in dimes, forty-five cents in nickels and six-three cents in pennies.  Math isn’t my strong suit, but I’m like ninety-nine percent sure that’s over seven dollars. Sure the bagel guy is going to HATE me for paying for my bagel with tofu cream cheese and small iced coffee in pennies and nickels covered in lint and that weird dirt that always ends up coating the bottom of my purse somehow, but hey, I’m hungry and caffeine-deprived and that’s SEVEN DOLLARS I didn’t have before. It seems like change just miraculously manifests in my purses for bagel purchasing purposes. The twenty-first century New York version of manna from heaven, if you will.

I’m so in love with my new apartment that I might post some pictures of it here after I move in. Also, if anyone wants to stay with me for a few weeks, you can witness Bag Bottom Mining in action! Because we’re old fashioned, conservative Christian folk, Graham and I don’t want to live together until we’re married, so he’s staying with a mutual friend in the city until we return from our honeymoon. This means I’ll be living ALL ALONE  for a good two months. Know what that means? I can have wizard rock dance parties in my underwear WHENEVER I WANT! It also means I will have lots of space for guests, especially strangers who stalk me on the internet.

In other news, I’ve been blessed enough to succeed in finding temp/freelance work copyediting and writing over the summer, so far. If you ever need anything written or edited or anything you should drop me a line and I’ll give you the SPECIAL BLOG READER DISCOUNT. Or you can pay me in hugs.

The wedding is officially ten weeks away and Ihavesomuchplanningtodoomg. I also decided that now would be a great time to have a “Eureka!” moment and embark on a new project that may be my senior thesis or perhaps something more. I’m hoping something more. I’ll blog the details when I know the details or when I’m allowed to blog the details—whichever comes first.  Happy summer and happy Bag Bottom Mining!

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2 responses to “Bag Bottom Mining! Apartments! The Impending Underwear Apocalypse!!

  1. When can I move in?

  2. haha I’d love to crash with you, but alas I am over here and struggling to even getting to ohio… btw I need to talk to you about that later on skype.

    I think you should go with Marlena, save her from her family.

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