A year ago this month, the earth trembled, seas parted and angels sang as a new baby blog came gasping into the world. Actually, there was no trembling, gasping or singing, but I am sure the metaphorical waters of the internet rippled a little bit. By “a little bit” I mean, not really at all, but it’s cool to think about. In celebration of this (not so) monumentous occasion, I’ve compiled a list:
THINGS YOU CAN DO INSTEAD OF UPDATING YOUR BLOG
1. Read everyone else’s blog. This month is “Blog Every Day April” (BEDA) which means that a bunch of exponentially awesome people overload the internet with a new blog entry every day. For the most part these blogs emanate as much awesome and wonderful as their authors, but “ya get weirdos in every breed” as Hagrid would say. Since I read the mediocre blogs in addition to the WONDERFUL blogs, I spend at least two hours every day JUST READING BLOGS. Think about all the WORLD CHANGING Words Can Keeler posts I could write during those two hours! I blame BEDA for KEEPING ME FROM BLOGGING. Irony?
2. Spend your “writing time” working on fiction and non-fiction projects for your Creative Writing class. I’m finally in an actual, formal creative writing course this semester and I’m kind of nerdily obsessed with it. (What? Me? Obsess? Shocker, I know.) I’m finally learning how to, you know, really write. When I’m not working on my own pieces for the class, I’m usually reading and giving feedback on other people’s pieces or else worrying about what everyone will say about my pieces during workshop. When I handed my first short story to the class, I almost literally “cried out in anguish” like people do in Dickens novels and the Bible. Also, using a brightly colored pen to write “suggestions” on other people’s work IS SO MUCH FUN. Nothing is more satisfying than circling awkwardly worded phrases or crossing out chunks of unnecessary dialogue.Try it, you’ll see. You could even do it to this post if you want.
3.You start rehearsing for your first real show, in a real theater in New York. It’s not a huge show and it doesn’t pay anything and I’m only in one number, but it FEELS SO GOOD. (I needed a capslocked phrase for continuity’s sake.)
4. You decide to get married in four months and have to start thinking about things like cake servers and tulle and registries. Did you know there are THOUSANDS of different kinds of blenders in the world? THOUSANDS! There are even more kinds of cake servers.
I feel like it is wrong to end a list at “4” but it’s also wrong to not update your blog for two months, unless you are J.K. Rowling in which case you can do no wrong.
I hereby vow to stop pretending I am J.K. Rowling and start blogging again more often. Not so much for you as for my ego. I feel more important if I have loads of uninteresting sentences published on the internet at regular intervals.
Is there anything you’d like me to blog about on Words Can Keeler? What kind of blogs do you like me to write? Don’t you hate this awkward use of second-person?