You know how there are things you are just supposed to enjoy as a human being? I half expect to check the definition of “human being” in the Oxford English Dictionary and read something like, “n. A member of the human species as distinguished from animals. Enjoys food, beverage and playing Monopoly on Sunday evenings.”
But what if you hate monopoly? Are you a little bit less human because of it? Is it right to assume that because 80% of people enjoy a board game, that everyone should enjoy a board game? There are a great number of things I’m supposed to like as a homosapien residing in the Western hemisphere that I just . . . don’t. Though I’ve spent a lot of time trying to figure out why I don’t like these things, I recently realized that maybe it’s just because I don’t like them. I mean, it could also mean that I’m an alien child from a different solar system adopted by human beings and forced to assimilate into earthly society as part of a massive social experiment conducted by the Canadian government, but I’m not really that cool.
Things I should like, but don’t:
- Video Games (Including arcade games, guitar hero, mario, anything.)
- Miniature golf
- Board games involving fake money or real estate or warfare
- The majority of movies with spectacular special effects
- Thrillers (The movie kind. I like some thriller novels.
- The Lord of the Rings
- Star Wars
- Television Dramas
- Graphic novels/comic books
- Riding a bike
- Fantasy novels with characters whose names contain no vowels.
- Rich and flaky pastries
- Animated disney movies made after 1995 (Disney-Pixar excluded)
This is a slightly condensed list. Am I less of a human being for not liking any of these things? Does this reveal something terrible about my childhood? Should I just jump of a bridge right now? If so, should I put you in my will? Discuss.