When I walked into my first dance class at the age of four, grinning ear to ear in my pristine pink-sequined tutu and spotless white tights, no one warned me about The Cattle Call*. I’m of the opinion that every first dance class should come with a disclaimer: WARNING! Dance classes may result in loss of social life, too many performances of The Nutcracker, and inoordinate amounts of body glitter and/or hairspray. ALSO, CATTLE CALLS ARE PROBABLY IN YOUR FUTURE. Have fun.
Sure, I probably would have been too busy delighting in the reverbrating din of my shiny, patent leather black tap shoes to notice any sort of future-me yelling and waving frantically from the studio’s observation window. It is impossible to sufficiently explain how thrilling a toddler can find a pair of $10 shoes designed to torture her parents with chorus of cacophony that may be heard wherever the child awkwardly totters. When you’re four, it’s really all about these shoes. And the tutu. The tutu is very important. So great was the hypnotic power of the tap shoe, that I remained completely oblivious to the dangers awaiting me from the moment I first uttered the words “professional dancer.”
The greatest of these dangers is the monstrous, ruthless beast known as The Cattle Call.
The Cattle Call’s greatest method of trickery lies in its very name.
“Cattle Call,” you think. “I sure hope there are square dancing cows involved!”
I too was once deceived by the magical alliteration and implied frivolity of the phrase “cattle call.” How could something involving brown-eyed farm animals and dancing be unpleasant or detrimental to my well-being?
It didn’t take long for me to discover that THERE ARE NO COWS involved in The Cattle Call. There’s not even any CALLING involved in The Cattle Call!
In fact, The Cattle Call often masquerades as an “audition” or “Open Call” in the English-speaking world. By giving itself many pseudonyms, The Cattle Call can reign its terror secretly, torture slowly and easily entice unsuspecting prey.
“But Sarah,” I hear you cry. “How shall I know if I fall victim to this horrible monster?”
Fear not, dear few and faithful blog readers! I shall never send you into the strange and veiled World of Dance without ample preparation. So much is my desire to guard innocent youth from unspeakable terror, that I have dedicated the past several years of my life to preparing this guidebook for the all those considering a career in dance or performing or fish farming. In the following guide, I have detailed just a few of the ways to distinguish The Cattle Call from your harmless, every-day audition.
In honor of Cattle Call Awareness Week (CCAW), I will release a new part of this guide EVERY DAY this week. Sort of like my version of the Blog Every Day April project, only without the part about blogging every day during the month of April.
Commence the calling of the cattle!
